If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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