I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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