There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
