if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
