By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
