I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
They have beer where we have blood.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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