I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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