Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
