That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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