finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
