Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
