he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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