i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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