Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
