Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
