I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
