nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
my poor anus
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
