that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
