Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
