He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
