Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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