It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
