i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
