My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
