I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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