he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
