Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
