Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
