I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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