my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
