Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
