carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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