as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
