don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You are the jesus of drinking
I am naked and annoyed.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
