vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
