can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
