he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!