oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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