How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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