i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
