Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
