Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
