ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
