plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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