Plan B is the new Plan A
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
