dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
