when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
