dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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