I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
