Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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