He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
