oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
