you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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