We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
