I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
