Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
