i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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