do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
