just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
