At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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