if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
