Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
