Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
