Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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We left an ass print on the piano.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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