all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
