We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
