Who did Billy Mays play for?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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