Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
