Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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