Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want to be your penis for a week.
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For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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