I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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