My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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