Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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