all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
