booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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