She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
