my room smells like sperm. sweet.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
