I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
