i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
