guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
