if i can run in heels then i can drive
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
