walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
