Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
