Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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