seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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