YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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