STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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