I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
