You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
