I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
