she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
