How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
